


Fond Memories

by allisonsaurusrex



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6243889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allisonsaurusrex/pseuds/allisonsaurusrex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adriana Trevelyan is not quite expecting the answer she gets when she questions her commander about how he knows the Hero of Ferelden.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fond Memories

The commander clenched his eyebrows and delved deeper into the mounds of reports that seemed to become larger every time he returned to it.  He raked a gloved hand through his well-kept wavy locks.  Leliana gave him much grief about styling it.  She did not understand how difficult it was to keep his curly ringlets under control, especially out in the elements.  He missed the days when he rarely stepped foot outside, when he felt safe. 

                The Circle Tower in the midst of Lake Calenhad had been his home for several years when he was a devoted young Templar.  Of course, his safety and sanity were shaken when the Circle fell to the mind-penetrating blood magic of Uldred.  Cullen came to detest mages due to his fear.  He became no better than the monsters that he hunted.  His time in Kirkwall still plagued his conscience. Still, he had fond memories from his time at Lake Calenhad.

                “Commander,” a confident female voice interrupted his reflection.  Cullen looked up to see a petite woman standing in the doorway leading out to the battlements.  Her breast length hair swept to one side with a unique shaved portion adorned with a braid on the other.  Maker, she was beautiful.  For a moment he thought she was someone else.  A fond memory.

                “Adriana! – Er, I mean Inquisitor,” he always let his feelings for his fearless leader muddle his etiquette, “Was there something you needed?”  Adriana Trevelyan, leader of the Inquisition, charged with protecting the world immediate lost her poise upon locking eyes with her commander.

                “I… was just wondering if you had some time to talk,” her words resonated with concern, which was quite uncommon.  She was usually _very_ sure of herself.  It was only in some of her more lucid conversations with Cullen that she let that confidence falter.  He took it as a sign that she trusted him with her weakness, yet he still was not so sure her trust was well placed.

                Cullen gently put down the paper that he was holding and walked to her side.  He gently brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.  “For you, always,” he muttered endearingly, “Is something wrong?”  Adriana clutched the hand he had rested on her face and turned her face to place a kiss upon the palm as it still cupped her cheek.

                “It’s just that… I’m a MAGE,” she exclaimed the obvious as though it were new information.  Cullen couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.  “What’s so funny?! Do you have a problem with my mage-dom because you totally should have mentioned that before we started…um…well before I… got attached.” Cullen softly pulled his very distraught leader into a soft embrace.  She fought it at first, wanting so desperately to be angry with him, but eventually relented.

                “Adriana, your status as a mage matters nothing.  I care for you a great deal, and the fact that you were born with the ability to make me burst into flames only serves to scare me from arguing with you too much over the choice of Free Marches décor in the main hall,” he smiled and kissed her forehead.

                “Wait… you don’t like my decorations,” Adriana asked, clearly offended, “You know what, that’s beside the point.  I just… Leliana was talking about her encounter with you at the Calenhad Circle, how you called for the Rite of Annulment.  Then I overheard Varric explaining to Hawke that your hate for mages had subsided since the events in Kirkwall.  Hawke was about to refuse to meet with us because of your presence!  How could you hate mages and claim to care for me when I am that?”

                Cullen sighed.  He knew this conversation would come up eventually.  He neither looked forward to discussing his past as a Templar nor to explaining how he knew he could care for a mage, but he felt like he owed her, the woman he had grown to, dare he say _loved_ , the truth.  “Come, walk with me.  I think this requires a more detailed conversation.”

                The two walked down to the secluded portion of the battlements where they could –hopefully- speak without interruption from any messengers.  Poor Jim was still squeamish around his commander after walking in on the two as they were about to share their first kiss.  He might never recover.  Once it appeared they would have some time alone, the commander began the tale of his fondest memory and his biggest regret.

_Circle Tower, Lake Calenhad, circa 9:29-30 Dragon_

_Cullen could hear the whispers that echoed off the walls of the tower. “I hear Cullen is in LOVE with her,” they said.  “Isn’t that forbidden.” “I bet the poor kid is too shy to even speak to her!”  Maker’s breath, how did so many know of his affection for Lucia.  Was it that obvious?  What if Knight-Commander Greagoir found out?  Would he be transferred to another tower?  He wished he was better at hiding his feelings.  Sadly, the inexperienced nineteen year-old Templar wore his heart on his sleeve._

_“Cullen,” said one of his fellow Templars as they met in the corridor, “The Knight-Commander wants to speak with you.”  Shit. His boss was on to him.  He nodded at his colleague, straightened his posture, took a deep breath, and swallowed down the aches of anxiety burning within his throat.  He walked into the Knight-Commander’s office._

_“Ah! Cullen!  Just the man I was looking for.  I have a very special assignment for you.”  Cullen’s concern dissipated.  “We are holding a Harrowing tomorrow.  I would like you to be there as part of the guard in case the apprentice falls victim to demonic possession.  I want you to deliver the final blow.”_

_Any other Templar would be filled with pride at the chance to slaughter a rogue mage.  Not Cullen.  He had always had a soft spot for mages, understanding that they didn’t choose to be born with the burden they have.  Killing them, imprisoning them, tranquilizing them.  It all seemed so barbaric. “Commander…why me?”_

_“You’re too attached to the mages, too friendly.  As a Templar this muddles your judgement, and I need to break you of that, lest I remove you from your position here.  Irving says that the apprentice being Harrowed is promising, so do not worry for I do not think you will have to kill the girl.”_

_“Who is it?” Cullen asked, fearing his worst nightmare had come true._

_“Lucia Amell.  Now, I can tell you no more.  I suggest you get some rest, for it will be a long day.”_

_Cullen’s heart dropped into his belly as he turned and walked out of the office.  Why did he have to be assigned as a guard on Lucia’s Harrowing?  What if he had to kill her?  What if he couldn’t do it?  The young Templar decided that he needed to speak to her.  He walked as swiftly as he could to the mage’s quarters only to find her not present. He cursed under his breath and resigned himself to wait for her until she returned, as creepy as that might be._

_Luckily he only had to wait about half an hour before she returned, though he was quite flustered when she approached him, as she caught him amidst his rehearsing how he would speak to her. “Hey Cullen,” she interrupted cheerfully.  If he didn’t know better, he would say she was flushed and appeared a bit nervous herself._

_“Oh, Luce… Hey!  I was just – “Cullen began but was cut short as the petite apprentice walked over and leaned against the wall beside him.  She crossed her arms and gave him a knowing look._

_“What?  You were just standing here outside of my quarters practicing how to tell me you have feelings for me?”  Maker that woman was cocky.  Cullen wondered if she really knew or if she was teasing him._

_“Oh, Maker.  You know,” Cullen blushed, and let his posture fall slightly.  The young woman blushed, herself and began to laugh, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth.  She brought her turquoise eyes up to meet his hazel pair._

_“You know, you really aren’t subtle.  It’s all the talk of the tower these days,” she teased, then her gaze became more serious and her eyes took a tired cast.  “My Harrowing is tomorrow… I’m…I’m worried.”  Cullen had never seen the object of is affection so upset.  She was the most self-assured person he knew and he envied her for the way she carried herself.  He so desired her to allot a portion of her passion for him._

_“I hear the First Enchanter has high hopes for you, at least that’s what the Knight-Commander said,” he mentioned, hoping to segue into the part where he told her he was assigned to deal the final blow. Lucia’s eyes dropped and she frowned.  Cullen could have sworn she was holding back tears._

_“I guess it’s true then.  You are the one who’s going to kill me if I fail.  Damnit,”  a single tear streamed down her face.  Cullen reached out and rubbed the wet droplet off of her cheek with his thumb._

_“Luce.  I feel horrible.  I don’t know if I could.  I mean I don’t even like the idea of killing ANY mage let alone you.  You’re important to me.  Here I am supposed to kill you and I can’t even… I’m not allowed to…”  Cullen was relieved that he didn’t have to salvage that thought.  Lucia reached up and put a quieting finger on his mouth._

_“Look,” she asserted, “I know what you’re going to say.  You’re going to start with the whole ‘Templars and mages can’t fraternize’ speech, but I am about to risk being felled by your sword, so can we please, for the love of Andraste, forget about that and just live for once?”  With that, she cupped his face with her hands and met his lips with her own.  For a moment Cullen felt like his soul left his body and he was watching this play out.  He had to be dreaming.  When he realized he actually felt her soft-moist lips firmly pressed on his own, he grabbed her waist, pulled her closer and returned the display of affection._

_As quickly as she had begun the kiss, she ended it.  “I’m so sorry Cullen.  I shouldn’t have… I just…needed comfort.”  Cullen was overeager to assuage her guilt.  He stroked a strand of hair out of her face and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.”_

_“Hey now!  No apologies!  In fact, I rather enjoyed it.  Although, maybe we ought to not do so in the middle of the corridor next time.”  The Templar blushed and assumed a ‘safer’ distance from his companion.  As both of their blushes faded and they became more comfortable with what had just occurred Lucia’s face once again took on a pained expression._

_“Do you have the time later to talk about all of this,” she inquired sheepishly._

_“For you, I can make the time, though my only orders tonight are to get rest,” Cullen said awkwardly.  Lucia nodded and appeared to be deep in though.  Cullen assumed she was planning how the two of them could meet up for long enough to have a conversation._

_“Okay… we’ll have to meet up in the spare storage room in the servants’ quarters, and it will have to be after midnight.  It’s pathetic that’s the only way we can converse without drawing suspicion.  Blasted rules.  Also, be sure to wear plainclothes.  It will be less obvious if we don’t wear uniform.” Lucia seemed rushed as she glanced behind Cullen. “Uh-oh, one of your boys is coming,” she whispered and then raised her voice to say, “Good day, Ser Cullen!  Thank you for your vigilance.”  She winked at him and walked off past the other Templars._

_Midnight came very slowly, so when it was time to head to the servants’ quarters, Cullen was more than ready.  He actually arrived to the storage room first, and took a seat up against the wall, slouching a bit.  It felt good to be out of that heavy steel armor.  As soon as he got comfortable, he heard the door creak open.  A small figure peered through, holding a candle.  “Oh, there you are,” Cullen said to acknowledge her presence._

_“Sorry, I’m late.  I couldn’t get away from Jowan.  He’s being ridiculous again.”  Adriana walked over and sat down beside him.  Cullen heard her, but he was not really listening.  Rather, he was paying attention to her appearance.  The ebony hair that she usually had coiled up in to a neat bun, with only a few wavy tendrils tickling her face, was now down and flowed across, reaching halfway down her back.  She was wearing a loose flannel shirt and some cotton leggings.  Her feet were bare._

_Cullen said the only thing he could muster, “You look, uh… I mean you… changed your hair.”  He laughed in embarrassment.  Adriana smiled as she approached him and sat down next to him on the floor._

_“I just took it down.  It was giving me a headache.”  She looked down and seemed almost uncomfortable.  She clearly had something on her mind, but was unsure if she should bring it forth.  Cullen decided he should prompt her.  He reached over and took her hand in his._

_“You wanted to speak to me about something,” he pressured gently, hoping to not make her feel uncomfortable.  She fidgeted and the pink flush that usually tinted her pale skin became more vivid.  Cullen frowned, fearing he had failed in his efforts._

_“Well… actually,” she began hesitantly, glancing down and to the side, unable to make eye contact, “I have known we’ve shared feelings for quite sometimes, but have always feared acting upon them.  I know that it is not realistic that we could ever be together, but with everything that could possibly go wrong tomorrow, I suppose I was just hoping for one night.”_

_Cullen’s eyes widened and his heart began to race.  He had never done anything like that, growing up in the chantry.  He had not taken vows or anything of the sort, but he had never even considered intimacy with a woman, particularly a mage.  Noticing Cullen’s apparent anxiety, Lucia recanted her request, “I’m so sorry.  I shouldn’t have.”  She began to stand up, but he tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her back toward him._

_“There is nothing I would like more,” he said more confidently than he felt.  As the two shared passionate kisses, removed articles of clothing, and spent a forbidden night together in that damp storage closet, he knew that whatever this was, he needed it._

                “Maker’s holy snot!  You had a one-night stand with the Hero of Ferelden?  And you just decided to not go public with this?  Varric would literally PAY for that kind of content,” Adrian ranted in disbelief.  She seemed playful and unperturbed, but Cullen could see the pain in her eyes.  She had not expected him to have loved someone else like that.

                “Adriana, you must understand… I cared for her.  She was a remarkable woman – is a remarkable woman.  It wasn’t just a lustful encounter because neither of us were allowed such entanglements,”  Cullen explained.  “Regardless, she and I are not… our last meeting did not end so well.  I said some really unkind things.  She must think me a monster.”  He let his chin drop to his chest and let out a sigh.  This was the last thing he wanted to talk about with the Inquisitor.

                “What happened,” Adriana inquired, seeming to choke back tears.  Cullen could not tell what had upset her the most, his admission of romance with the Hero or the fact that he had been unkind to her.

                “When she returned to the Tower after the events at Ostagar, it was in shambles, overrun by blood magic and abominations.  The corrupt mages captured and imprisoned me.  Desire demons took Lucia’s image and taunted me – tortured me – hoping that I would break.  When she and her party reached me, I was delusional.  I accused her of being a demon and then lashed out at her when she refused to call for the Rite of Annulment on the Tower.  She was so hurt, crying even.  I can remember the look of betrayal on her face like it just happened yesterday.  I let my fear judge how I interacted with her.”  Cullen’s eyes welled up with tears of regret.

                “Cullen,” Adriana said gently as she looked him directly in the eye, “You cannot blame yourself for how you reacted to being tortured.  Considering what Templar training instructs, you had the accurate response.  You were young, and dumb.  We all make horrible decisions when we are young.”

                The commander looked up at his love and smiled, “It brings me comfort to know that Alistair was there for her when I could not be.  He and I went through Templar training together, though he never completed it.  He is a good man, and much better for her than I could ever be.  Besides, as much as I cared for Lucia, it was only a fraction for my love for you.  I… I have never felt so strongly about anyone.”

                Adriana was clearly relieved.  “You had a CRUSH on Lucia Amell.  THE Lucia Amell,” she teased, “And she took your flower.”  Cullen blushed.

                “My what? I had no such flower! I am – oh you’re referring to,” he had become too flustered for words.  “Maker’s breath, you are the most infuriating women I have ever met,” he said as he grabbed her and pulled her in towards him, “And I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”  With that, he kissed her passionately until he felt her melt into his embrace.  Then, he quickly pulled away, “Let’s talk about your steamy encounters now, my love.”  All color drained from her skin as she appeared to enumerate her partners in her head.  He enjoyed watching her squirm, beating her at her own game.

                “How about we make one,” Adriana suggested as she looked at him longingly.  She continued to outwit him.  This was a battle he did not mind losing. Check. Mate.


End file.
